I think I'll come back as a woman

We men are a funny bunch. We are still the dominant one in the species largely for historic reasons; we are stronger and violent and in the past that's what determined top dog status. Obviously we are no more intelligent and certainly we are less practical but nonetheless, we sit in the position of power - and to be honest most of us quite  like it.

It's a confusing time. I was taught to open doors for ladies but now it's not PC, we're all lads together and actresses are no longer actresses, they're actors now like us blokes.

In the middle of last week the downside of this cultural Alpha Male thing hit home to me when I had to do a bit of car management. You know the kind of thing; we have a garage and a drive. Hers sits in the garage, mine on the drive, even though hers is a Mini and mine's a Porsche, cos I'm a gentleman right? So I have to shuffle them if she needs hers.

I did the car waltz as I've done many times before but, as they have to be left on the road for a minute or so while I shuffle, I turn the hazard flashers on and, when popping hers back in the garage, I forgot to turn them off.

Three days later she needed it and the battery was flat as a cows bowel movement.

So the Alpha Male swings into action. I went to Halfords and bought a charger for £90, plugged it in and then spent two days checking it.

Of course what then ensued was my punishment for being a 'stupid man'. I had to play chauffeur for two days, taking her to the nail bar, the massage parlor, to see a friend for coffee and the supermarket run was achieved in a car with a 'boot' the size of a gerbil, by piling everything in the back (shop couldn't wait evidently).

She won't drive my car - it's much to powerful evidently. So this fragile little woman had to be driven around (cos it was all my fault) and I had to suffer.

I got it started yesterday and then drove it round mindlessly for two hours to make sure the charge was topped up. My pain and punishment is now complete.

Sometimes I wish we could get rid of this dominant handle, I mean the feminists think we should, but I realize women quite like it. There are upsides to being 'helpless' and 'in need of looking after'.

Think I'll come back as a woman........