Friday, 5 August 2011

You are not wired like me

I have no idea who wrote this but it beautifully explains how I feel due to my bipolar:

Can't you see, that you are not wired like me?
You will never know the terror that I face, the horror I feel, the ugliness,  YOU say is not there.
Those of you who are not like me are blind, you see.
You, who are not wired like me, will never believe, in the evil that envelops and controls takes me to places I never wanted to be.
I feel the ugliness of the world. the lies, cheating, hitting slapping hurting murdering rending of the soul, that happens each day. I look at you and know what will be in our lives. In the short span of time, when our lives intertwine, be it good, be it bad, be it betrayal be it mad.
I can feel what you are going to do to me. I can see, in advance, because I see your heart, your reason for being in my life.
Those that are not wired like me, will never see, or believe, that what I feel, know, see, is very very real.
Those that are not wired like me, tell me I am all wrong. I am all mixed up My brain is not working right. And you think yours is?
Do you care at all, those in the world that hurt betrayed rioted raped cannot escape the hatred of the heart of this world.
Because we are not wired like you? I am below you I am wrong, take these pills it will be all gone. WRONG!
It only waits, this evil twin, until a time when she can be released. Her anger strengthen, her rage knows no bounds at the attempt to control her existence--from me.
I am the guardian, or shell if you please. Of the anger of this world, I am not wired like you.
You do not have the ability to shine in the madness that everyone tries to hide. From each other, themselves, it all comes out in us, because you cannot face what is real.
I am only a reflection of what you try to hide from behind
My madness is real it is truer than you my anger is justified my rage avenged
I am only a shell that carries the evil of this world That will not be denied.
Can't you see, that what I go thru is because of you!
When the world is away from me and I can't hear or see the ugliness it shows My evil twin is not as strong.
My only fault, is that I cannot constantly push the meanness pain hurt away.
It stays within until it can no longer be restrained. And she shows her face. Releases her rage  until it is all spent. Then this guardian, this shell, must be there to try to fix all she has wrought, in the life of the guardian. To face those that say I am the one not right!
Those that are not wired like me, cannot, nor will never see.
The rage, terror, madness loneliness of being me. You fear what you don't know. You hide from what you don't like. You lie about what you don't want known.
I am a guardian, a shell that carries the heart of this world. And she is ugly.
Like you; those who are not wired like me.