There's a new gents hairdresser opened on the High Street. Being somebody who still has hair (no mean feat at my age) I took an interest.
He's trendy, well he'd have to be operating in Hove, but in ways I struggled with. For a start he calls himself a barber - I can remember when that meant you got a short back and sides, parted on the left and you liked it - but no ordinary barber; this fella is an 'organic barber'.
That quite excited me. I had visions of organic hair cutting, evolving to the mood. I thought, maybe he has 6Music on the wireless and just goes with the flow. I guess you'd have to hope there wasn't any Leonard Cohen playing. Then a read on and it said he uses organic produce. Suddenly I was losing the will.
There is a gullibility here in Hove which can send folk bonkers for the latest fad. Be different, and expensive, and you've cracked it basically.
Presumably he uses shampoos and lotions that mix crazy stuff together. Quinoa and Cherimoya (it's an artichoke, look it up) and lots of other nonsensically named edibles. Perhaps he uses linen towels hand woven by monks from the Shaolin Monastery on Mount Song, near Dengfeng ( we've all been there). Certainly he'll have josticks and his chakra will be a thing to adore darling!
He also puts these 'inspiration' signs in his window. Today's was "if you face the sun the shadows will be behind you". This is, of course scientifically undeniable but what else it can mean exactly left me way behind. I look forward to more inane nonsense in his windows in the future.
The one thing he didn't have - anywhere that I could see - was anything that showed him to be a good barber. It seems if you're organic and wear a kaftan you can get away with murder.
He'll do well here. It's not called 'Hove Actually' for nothing.
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